The Way I see It... continued

OK so here I am in Sedona—fasting for 19 days sunup to sunset because I am Baha’i—because for the first time since I discovered this sane faith, I CAN fast. I am sleeping almost normally. (I have PTSD from several factors-and was traumatized by a student at a very bad private school and sent into a maelstrom of further traumas.)

But now my formerly peaceful shared home has become a nightmare of loud people and difficulty preparing food at sundown when I need it BADLY. (Visiting in-laws… not mine.) Oddly, the thing that has cheered me up for 2 days—with only one day, now, left to go until the Baha’i New Year and the end of the fast--is snow. Snow! Here in the high desert snow is beautiful. Pure and white and peaceful. Clean and magical. You can eat it. It’s fluffy and pristine and exciting and you simply cannot imagine the beauty. Wha tterrific photos I have gotten. So I have managed these last two days.

I am still exhausted from the years long ordeal which started when the economy crashed and no clients could afford me, and I had to become a gypsy, work where I could live where I had to- mostly in places I hated-and getting stronger like someone training for the iron man.

Of course my family—those from my mother's side—saw all this as evidence of my being the one who was never OK. Even my cousin--who I thought was my best friend in all the world, and who I visited thinking it would be a refuge-- turned out to be utterly unable to trust that there was meaning and purpose in what I went though, and, most of all HOW.

Sadly I was carrying a crippling degree of anxiety before all this. I am embarrassed to see how badly little things could--did-- affect me then.

Now, I am fine. Even when a new acquaintance starts treating me with disrespect and contempt (familiar and before,and disabling to me) I calmly refuse to be treated that way. If my phone or my laptop or TV are inop I play with them until they work again (None of which I could do for... years.)

So I have indeed run the race—and finished in a triumph. These dismissers of my courage and my intuition, naysayers to my path, will never see it. They never did—and they can't be wrong now. After all these years!!

So soon, when  I can jog again (which I did, briefly, before the stator) and am sleeping and NO LONER EXHAUSTED I will embark on my dream of shirring what I have learned from so much going through things to the other side. From Not avoiding the hard work of growth.

In the mealtime, I am gaining ground in my creativity and speaking my mind on LinkedIn and Facebook. Because this world is way too ruled by untruths half truths and false fears.