What you Resist Persists: the Evidence is Persuasive.

 

Most people read this statement: “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size” by Carl Gustav Jung and go “huh? We commonly resist the things we don’t like. We fight wars on cancer, on drugs, on obesity. We deal harshly with allegations of “domestic violence”—about which more later.

Most people think that to fail to resist these things is to condone, to them permit them or to advocate them.

It’s not. It is simply true that what we focus ,we picture,  we give emphasis to , we give energy and form to. It is a relative of the well known “self fulfilling prophecy.” Some of this is pure brain science—some of it is the mushier science of psychology. What it is NOT is “woo-woo”-- although the purveyors of woo-woo have annexed it and given it a bad name. It is found in wisdom writings, many of which are “religious”. “I say do not resist an evil person. If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also” (Matt 5:39). Forgot that one, didn't you? That's OK-- most people do.

But I promised science.  So what is the “science”? Well, let’s start with what we notice. We are bombarded every day with stimuli—if we attended to all of them we’d be overwhelmed. (Some say this is what happens in the brains of those with the brain anomaly called”autism.”) “Giftedness is a neurological difference just as is autism in its many flavors.” Brain differences are key in  what comes in and how much control we have over that--and our reactions.

So how does our brain assist us to attend only to what is worth attending to? It has a system called the Reticular Activating System. “Attention is the mental process in which a person concentrates awareness on a specific object, issue, or activity and excludes other potential stimuli ^* from the environment. While the human brain has amazing capabilities for processing information, it also has limited capacity. A person cannot attend to all the information being received through the five senses (sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch) at any one time.” See” What Parts of the Brain are involved in Paying Attention?”

So what we tell it to attend to it lets in—and what we focus in is thus attended to. Buying a new car? Do you see that model on every commute? Thank your RAS. Far from home and missing that special someone--and "seeing” them in strangers? Probably also the RAS. We see what we look for. We have no choice. If we look for, say,  Domestic Violence (or “satanic rituals”)  we will see them. For example, the Salem witch trials—or more recently, the infamous McMartin Preschool case. “After six years of criminal trials, no convictions were obtained, and all charges were dropped in 1990. When the trial ended in 1990 it had been the longest and most expensive criminal trial in American history.^[1] The case was part of day care sex abuse hysteria, a moral panic over satanic ritual abuse in the 1980s and early 1990s.” Psychologists looked for memories in suggestible children—and viola! They fond them. None was real. Not one.

Also, our minds run on pictures. Try to picture a “not carrot.” It can’t be done. When you read the word “carrot” there is an instantaneous mental picture.(Dare I say if you verbalize  disease, a picture also forms??? or "being fat"?) This has consequences. (Bear with me here.)

Athletes who train by visualizing their performance often do better then those who practice the activity physically. Their visualization is key to performance on the field as well. “Mental imagery involves the athlete imagining themselves in an environment performing a specific activity using all of their senses (sight, hear, feel and smell). The images should have the athlete performing successfully and feeling satisfied with their performance.” Is this starting to make sense?

As you can easily intuit here, visualizing the poor performance would be highly counterproductive. The picture is an instruction to the body. If the athlete kept playing the error over and over, the body would obey. What he resisted would persist. What he gives focus and attention to is the DESIRED outcome. It works. it has been PROVEN to work.

Thus is also true--that not resisting WORKS-- in Aikido, a martial art based on not resisting an attack. Yes—NOT resisting it— (and not ignoring it) but redirecting it. Using these principles one can –if one is skilled enough—win against any attacker who uses force against you physically.

(The abov eauthor wrote: “Author’s Note: Within days after writing this essay, the United States retaliated against terrorist attacks on its embassies. To some, this surgical use of force seemed appropriate and justified. To others, more specifically the opponents of the United States, it seemed to be a provocation, a challenge, and the second shot fired in a potentially escalating conflict. As of this writing, security throughout the United States is being tightened. Airports are being carefully watched. Tourists abroad are warned to be cautious. Right now, we don’t know what will happen next. I believe that the next step for Aikido students everywhere is to find a way to apply Aikido’s philosophy to global conflicts.”  (Emphasis mine.)

Ironic note—that was BEFORE “9-11” and for all we know that catastrophic attack was in part a result of these earlier “resisting” actions. We resisted. The terrorists redoubled their efforts. We feared—now fear is our daily lot. What we resisted… persisted. Persists… to this day.

A brief look at history will show the fact that the “treaty of Versailles” (which was enormously punitive to the Germans) seems to have led to WW II. “The total reparations demanded was 132 billion gold marks, which was far more than the total German gold or foreign exchange. The economic problems that the payments brought, and German resentment at their imposition, are usually cited as one of the more significant factors that led to the end of the Weimar Republic and the beginning of the dictatorship of Adolf Hitler.”

What is enormously resisted causes enormous opposition. An enormous investment of energy. It results in... more of what was resisted.

This works with dieting as well. What we resist—food we want—becomes an obsession; weight lost though will power dieting is regained—and usually more as well. The 1972 Andean ordeal of the Uruguayan soccer team is also an illustration. Deprived of food, these people became obsessed with food. They dreamed of food. I became obsessed with thirst, wanting water to drink, as a child, after a hurricane be cause—the electricity for our well was out. I focused  on thirst. The mind can be very perverse.

It’s human nature---but it is not helpful. And yet,  it is real. What we resist persists, what we picture or obsess over because more real and more difficult to live with. And yet we persist in dong this.Many if you are already arguing with me as you read this.Perhaps most.
 
Another example, which I discovered when a college friend told me he had it, is “paruresis”—the inability to urinate when watched. (Only a problem for men as far as I know.) It is 100% ”body/mind”  based and anxiety driven: “A person can be anxious in situations because he perceives a threat even when there is none. His emotions are aroused because of his perception of the condition or situation that he feels traps him.” (Emphasis mine.)  If the fear were not causing more fear.. there would be no problem.

Does this mean you are “to blame” if you have this sort of experience?  No. As I say it is “human nature,” but I think we know a lot of “human nature”  is far from ideal. We teach our kids not to hit each other,  or anyone. (We teach them  not to urinate when they feel like it!)  We teach virtues which are not “human nature”--truthfulness, compassion, forgiveness.. all that “higher” nature stuff.

So what you will be if you can master the art of non resisting is… able to respond-- to respond  differently  to the stimulus you cannot control. Responsible. But not “blameworthy.” Just more skilled.

Is this easy? No. Is it worth it? I happen to think so. Have I mastered it 100%? HA!

But I see how many ways people and society would  be served if the concept were better  understood….  Society needs to learn to focus on HEALTH—picture  HEALTH—not send out messages which are about this or that disease. Every mental picture  sends commands TO THE BODY. The body obeys. This is called epigenetics, and it, too, is real.

Men are now hit with TROs based on mere allegations of "DV" (domestic violence)  when an angry ex files. (These really are usually women.) This TRO stays in their records for a LONG time even if they did nothing "violent". (I have seen allegations of "staring.")  Or if they did NOTHING AT ALL. The TRO can be dismissed-- but it stays there in the CLETS database and can be seen--will be seen-- by employers..The results of false allegations are a form of violence to these men-- emotionally--and can hurt their ability to obtain work. This does not reduce "violence" --it increases it. it is.. violence increasing by focusing on it. (Yes-- I  know this is "heresy" to those who advocate this system. Truth often is!)

So as they say in math --quod est demonstradum, Thus is is proved.

This is why I have pulled together a lot of stuff I know, here. It is  an effort  to make sense--LOGIC-- of the “non intuitive” concept—"what you resists persists.”

Resist away! (Or not.)

Family… Friend or Foe?

I suppose that sounds like a strange question. But I really want to know.

My family is small. When I was very young there was a “nuclear” family of four--Mom, Dad and 2 girls. My father's parents lived about 25 miles away but that was a long way and we didn’t see them much.  My grandmother was born in 1885, and Grandpa Price in 1876 so when I was say 6 or 7 they’d have been well into their 80s. They were born before electricity and cars. They lived in a world I cannot recreate. All I remember of them was that we were not allowed to run in the house and they didn’t say much. Oh—and they served me tapioca—a strange food I was VERY suspicious of. (What WERE those strange lumps??) And the rule was “you eat what’s set before you.” The only other thing I remember was my grandfathers’ shirt boxes. I think there must have been something in there for kid to play with. Alas,  the internet yields no clues. All I know is his shirts came laundered and folded in these boxes.

In any case, as you can tell we were not close. These were very religious people, Christian, Southerners, of a long gone era—and it probably didn’t help that daddy had married not only a Northerner… but a Jew.

My mother was eccentric and somewhat exotic—and as far as I can tell carried much baggage from her parents, and probably all the horrors their  family had endured in Russia, from whence they had emigrated prior to their arranged marriage. She had no clue what a good marriage was—and my father was eccentric in his own way by the standard of his very conventional family. He had been married and divorced when I was born--and did the same things again before hus third and happy marriage. (NO ONE else in that family had ever divorced. I know--I am the family genealogist.)

So, I remember very little about time spent with that side of the family. An occasional Thanksgiving get together at out place in the boonies. Barely knowing my cousins, Deanie and Becky. Then the divorce, and no more contact with Daddy's people.

My mother's family all lived in New York and Connecticut but spent winter in Florida so I met them. Not warm, fuzzy folks. No kids.

My mother did not get along with her sister and in any case she lived in Holland. My mother did get along with her mother either so I met her maybe twice. She lived in Majorca, Spain.

Are you getting a picture? As to me and my sister.. I remember playing outdoors with her. But I don’t remember any love. I remember pain. I remember confusion.

Now I occasionally talk to and write to my aunt—Daddy’s sister who’s still alive and well, and I saw Deanie once years ago. I  get along really well with one cousin on the Bonime side, but talk to him seldom--he's just like that-- and am pretty well unwilling to talk to my sister or other cousin.  My father's side of the family devout Christians all, are always kind to me and NEVER criticize. My sister (and the cousin that  used to talk to a lot(  can't stop criticizing me. (Which is why we no longer talk.)

I‘m not married because I seem to be too messed up to manage it, although I have been loved. Once, probably twice, really-- but the first time I was too young to get” it. I have friends who  seem to think highly of me-- think I am loved. My family does not seem to like me OR love me.

Is this what all families are like? I don't think so—but what do I know? I watch TV show "Brothers and Sisters" and people describe this as  a “dysfunctional family” but to me they seem pretty functional. They may fight, but they know it is always family first, no matter what. Looks like love to me!

My mother is dead ages now, and we made peace before she died. I re-found my dad in 1985 and we were close for the 5 years we had before he died. My half sister (Daddy’s side) calls sometimes and sometimes we talk for hours and hours.  She never criticizes me. In fact NO ONE on Daddy’s side ever criticized me. And no one at all seems to have the God awful opinion of me my family does, on my mother’s side.

Is this normal?

I truly have no clue.