I suppose that sounds like a strange question. But I really
want to know.
My family is small. When I was very young there was a “nuclear” family of four--Mom, Dad and 2 girls. My father's parents lived about 25 miles away but that was a long way and we didn’t see them much. My grandmother was born in 1885, and Grandpa Price in 1876 so when I was say 6 or 7 they’d have been well into their 80s. They were born before electricity and cars. They lived in a world I cannot recreate. All I remember of them was that we were not allowed to run in the house and they didn’t say much. Oh—and they served me tapioca—a strange food I was VERY suspicious of. (What WERE those strange lumps??) And the rule was “you eat what’s set before you.” The only other thing I remember was my grandfathers’ shirt boxes. I think there must have been something in there for kid to play with. Alas, the internet yields no clues. All I know is his shirts came laundered and folded in these boxes.
In any case, as you can tell we were not close. These were very religious people, Christian, Southerners, of a long gone era—and it probably didn’t help that daddy had married not only a Northerner… but a Jew.
My mother was eccentric and somewhat exotic—and as far as I can tell carried much baggage from her parents, and probably all the horrors their family had endured in Russia, from whence they had emigrated prior to their arranged marriage. She had no clue what a good marriage was—and my father was eccentric in his own way by the standard of his very conventional family. He had been married and divorced when I was born--and did the same things again before hus third and happy marriage. (NO ONE else in that family had ever divorced. I know--I am the family genealogist.)
So, I remember very little about time spent with that side of the family. An occasional Thanksgiving get together at out place in the boonies. Barely knowing my cousins, Deanie and Becky. Then the divorce, and no more contact with Daddy's people.
My mother's family all lived in New York and Connecticut but spent winter in Florida so I met them. Not warm, fuzzy folks. No kids.
My mother did not get along with her sister and in any case she lived in Holland. My mother did get along with her mother either so I met her maybe twice. She lived in Majorca, Spain.
My family is small. When I was very young there was a “nuclear” family of four--Mom, Dad and 2 girls. My father's parents lived about 25 miles away but that was a long way and we didn’t see them much. My grandmother was born in 1885, and Grandpa Price in 1876 so when I was say 6 or 7 they’d have been well into their 80s. They were born before electricity and cars. They lived in a world I cannot recreate. All I remember of them was that we were not allowed to run in the house and they didn’t say much. Oh—and they served me tapioca—a strange food I was VERY suspicious of. (What WERE those strange lumps??) And the rule was “you eat what’s set before you.” The only other thing I remember was my grandfathers’ shirt boxes. I think there must have been something in there for kid to play with. Alas, the internet yields no clues. All I know is his shirts came laundered and folded in these boxes.
In any case, as you can tell we were not close. These were very religious people, Christian, Southerners, of a long gone era—and it probably didn’t help that daddy had married not only a Northerner… but a Jew.
My mother was eccentric and somewhat exotic—and as far as I can tell carried much baggage from her parents, and probably all the horrors their family had endured in Russia, from whence they had emigrated prior to their arranged marriage. She had no clue what a good marriage was—and my father was eccentric in his own way by the standard of his very conventional family. He had been married and divorced when I was born--and did the same things again before hus third and happy marriage. (NO ONE else in that family had ever divorced. I know--I am the family genealogist.)
So, I remember very little about time spent with that side of the family. An occasional Thanksgiving get together at out place in the boonies. Barely knowing my cousins, Deanie and Becky. Then the divorce, and no more contact with Daddy's people.
My mother's family all lived in New York and Connecticut but spent winter in Florida so I met them. Not warm, fuzzy folks. No kids.
My mother did not get along with her sister and in any case she lived in Holland. My mother did get along with her mother either so I met her maybe twice. She lived in Majorca, Spain.
Are you getting a picture? As to me and my sister.. I remember playing outdoors with her. But I don’t remember any love. I remember pain. I remember confusion.
Now I occasionally talk to and write to my aunt—Daddy’s sister who’s still alive and well, and I saw Deanie once years ago. I get along really well with one cousin on the Bonime side, but talk to him seldom--he's just like that-- and am pretty well unwilling to talk to my sister or other cousin. My father's side of the family devout Christians all, are always kind to me and NEVER criticize. My sister (and the cousin that used to talk to a lot( can't stop criticizing me. (Which is why we no longer talk.)
I‘m not married because I seem to be too messed up to manage
it, although I have been loved. Once, probably twice, really-- but the first time
I was too young to get” it. I have friends who seem to think highly of me-- think I am loved. My family does not
seem to like me OR love me.
Is this what all families are like? I don't think so—but what do I know? I watch TV show "Brothers and Sisters" and people describe this as a “dysfunctional family” but to me they seem pretty functional. They may fight, but they know it is always family first, no matter what. Looks like love to me!
My mother is dead ages now, and we made peace before she died. I re-found my dad in 1985 and we were close for the 5 years we had before he died. My half sister (Daddy’s side) calls sometimes and sometimes we talk for hours and hours. She never criticizes me. In fact NO ONE on Daddy’s side ever criticized me. And no one at all seems to have the God awful opinion of me my family does, on my mother’s side.
Is this what all families are like? I don't think so—but what do I know? I watch TV show "Brothers and Sisters" and people describe this as a “dysfunctional family” but to me they seem pretty functional. They may fight, but they know it is always family first, no matter what. Looks like love to me!
My mother is dead ages now, and we made peace before she died. I re-found my dad in 1985 and we were close for the 5 years we had before he died. My half sister (Daddy’s side) calls sometimes and sometimes we talk for hours and hours. She never criticizes me. In fact NO ONE on Daddy’s side ever criticized me. And no one at all seems to have the God awful opinion of me my family does, on my mother’s side.
Is this normal?
I truly have no clue.
No comments:
Post a Comment